


On a Roll

by Literary_Eagle



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, Victor is so extra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 11:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11485437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literary_Eagle/pseuds/Literary_Eagle
Summary: Yuri Katsuki's life is full of surprises, mainly because of Victor. But is this newest surprise the most ridiculous one of all, or the most romantic? Perhaps it's both.





	On a Roll

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laryna6](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laryna6/gifts).



> This story is a gift for my friend Laryna6, because she is awesome. ^_^
> 
> Legal disclaimer (to keep my imaginary lawyer happy): I don't own Yuri!!! on Ice.

As he walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth for the evening, Yuri Katsuki's tired mind did what it always did when trying to process recent events. That is to say, Yuri imagined a chibi version of himself narrating his life. He had no idea why he constantly did this, but he had gotten used to it, so whatever.

"Hello! My name is Yuri Katsuki!" said the imaginary Chibi Yuri, "I'm a dime-a-dozen figure skater... Oh, sorry, I have a bad habit of describing myself like that. What I mean to say is, I'm a world champion figure skater, and I'm also married to Victor Nikiforov!"

Yuri brushed his teeth as Chibi Yuri continued, "Ever since I married Victor, life has been an unending parade of surprises. Okay, life with Victor had already been surprising even before the wedding, but nowadays the Victor Surprise Procession is really super-super-supercharging it!"

_That's an understatement, Chibi Me_ , Yuri thought, as he finished cleaning his teeth and began to wash his face.

Why, just a few weeks ago Yuri had mentioned that they needed to get a new doorstop, and the next thing he knew, Victor had brought home a gigantic diamond to fulfill the role. ("I wanted to make sure it would be too big for Makkachin to swallow!" Victor had explained, even though that still didn't clarify why the new doorstop had to be a _diamond_.) And three days ago, Victor had somehow convinced the population of an entire continent to spell out VICTOR LOVES YURI in letters large enough to be seen from outer space.

Yuri knew that Victor found joy in surprising people, and he certainly didn't want to deprive his beloved of that pleasure. He also knew that Victor was rich enough that such gifts were actually not extravagant by his standards. Still, maybe it was time for Yuri to let his husband know that he didn't have to keep outdoing himself. After all, Yuri would be perfectly happy with a small and modest surprise, instead of stuff like... like...

"What in the world?" Yuri muttered to himself, after drying his face and putting his glasses back on. There was no way the object he had just noticed next to the toilet could be what it looked like, right? Surely even Victor wouldn't come up with something that outlandish! "Um... Victor?" he called out.

"Yes, my love?" Victor replied from the bedroom, using such a warm singsong voice that Yuri could practically see hearts in the air.

"Why does the new toilet paper look like gold?" Yuri asked, "That's not made with real gold, is it?"

"Of course it's real! 24 karat gold!" said Victor, as he entered the bathroom and embraced Yuri, "As you use it, it'll leave little gold flakes on your behind and on the floor! Only the best for my husband!"

What. The. Hell.

Yuri was utterly speechless, so he turned to his imaginary Chibi Yuri to let him say something about this latest development. However, Chibi Yuri simply shrugged and said, "Sorry, man, I've got nothing."

"What's the matter, love?" said Victor, nuzzling Yuri's ear.

Yuri kissed Victor to show that he wasn't upset, and to give himself some time to think of how to express what had been on his mind. It ended up being a long kiss. Not that long kisses with Victor were ever a bad thing. Finally, he said, "Victor, I know that you like to surprise me as a way of showing your love, and I appreciate that. But I don't want you to worry that I might get bored of you if the surprises aren't taken to another level. You make me happy just by being you, not because you buy g-gold t-toilet paper." He stuttered the last part because, well, he never thought that the phrase _gold toilet paper_ would ever be uttered in his lifetime.

"Oh, Yuri," said Victor, stroking Yuri's hair, "I neglected life and love for over twenty years, until you came along and showed me what I'd been missing all that time. Any gift I give you could never match the precious, precious things you've taught me! Still, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so the next time I decide to surprise you, I'll try to go for something less flashy. Would that be better?"

Yuri smiled. "Yeah. Thanks, Victor." He knew that he could count on his husband to meet him halfway.

Victor smiled back. "Still, I hope you at least enjoyed how much this surprise symbolizes our love!"

Wait, what?

"Um... you think that something which gets flushed down the toilet symbolizes our love?!" said Yuri.

"No, not because of that!" Victor said with a chuckle, "It's because... well, just look at it!" He gestured dramatically at the shiny object, as if the most amazing secret of the universe could be found there.

Yuri stared at the roll of gold toilet paper, in all its tacky glory. "Uh, I still don't get it. I'm sorry."

"It reminds me of one of the happiest days of my life, because it's something round and golden!" said Victor. He placed his right hand onto Yuri's right hand, so that their matching gold rings clinked together.

Oh.

_Oh._

Laughter burst out of Yuri, loud and long... until the laughing turned into sobbing, and tears began to stream down his face.

Victor's eyes widened with concern. "Oh no... Yuri, did I do something wrong?"

"No, silly!" said Yuri, gasping for air, "I'm crying because I'm so _happy_. Oh, Victor! Only you could make toilet paper sound like the most romantic thing in the world!"

Victor let out a sigh of relief. "Here, let me dry those tears."

Closing his eyes, Yuri let himself relax as Victor dabbed at his teary face with something nice and soft.

Soft and... surprisingly flaky.

Wait a second.

Yuri's eyes flew open, and sure enough, there was a wadded piece of gold toilet paper in Victor's hand. "Aw, geez! Victor!" Turning to the bathroom mirror, Yuri could see bits of 24 karat gold sticking to the half-dried tears on his face. "Ack!"

"Wow, you look really beautiful like that!" said Victor, his mouth widening into the heart-shaped smile that Yuri loved so much.

Yuri reached over to the toilet paper roll and pulled off a few golden squares. "Maybe it would look better if we matched!" he exclaimed, grinning as he began to rub the gold tissue against Victor's face.

"Hey, that tickles!" Victor exclaimed, letting out a squeal of delight as he began to retaliate with his own handful of toilet paper.

The next few minutes were a jumble of flailing limbs and laughter, until Victor and Yuri both ended up on the floor, still snickering as they looked at each other covered in gold flakes.

"Well, that was fun," said Victor, trying to dust himself off.

"Yeah," said Yuri. He took a strip of gold toilet paper and tied it around Victor's finger... the same one that wore a ring.

Victor blinked down at the hand that was now wearing two gold ornaments on the same finger.

In answer to Victor's unspoken question, Yuri said, "You make me so happy that it feels like each day we're getting married all over again."

This time it was Victor's eyes that filled with happy tears. "Yuri, you're so amazing! I could never surprise you as much as you always surprise me!"

"Oh, Victor," said Yuri, pulling his husband in for a kiss. When their lips separated, they began to laugh again at the sight of how much gold they had gotten onto each other's faces.

"We will ride eternal, shiny and gold!" said Victor, taking a strip of toilet paper and tying it around Yuri's ring finger. After that, they silently cuddled on the floor for a bit, until Victor spoke once more. "We should tidy up and go to bed now."

Yuri groaned. "Don't wanna move," he murmured, burying his face into Victor's shirt.

"We're going to meet up with Phichit and the others tomorrow. For the festival, remember?" Victor said gently.

At the thought of seeing the other precious people in his life again, Yuri sprang to his feet with renewed energy, and with Victor's help the mess was quickly cleaned up. Before he knew it, Yuri was in bed, nestled comfortably in Victor's arms. As he drifted off to sleep, he imagined Chibi Yuri narrating again.

"My name is Yuri Katsuki," said Chibi Yuri, "and I'm not a dime-a-dozen anything, because I'm the luckiest man in the world. I have a wonderful husband who fills my days with love, and fills my nights with warmth, and reminds me that I have family and friends who care about me as well. And he teaches me to love myself, which isn't always easy, but he never gives up on me. I won't give up, either. He says that I teach him new things about life and love every day, and I want to continue doing that, always."

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by bonehandledknife's [Tumblr post](http://bonehandledknife.tumblr.com/post/162413396035/as-you-use-the-toilet-paper-22-carat-gold-flakes) that suggested the idea of Victor buying gold toilet paper for his restroom. (The source quoted by the Tumblr post says that it's 22 karat gold, but the website for the toilet paper company currently has a roll made with 24 karat gold, so I went with 24 karats for this fic.) Thanks for letting me use this idea, bonehandledknife! Additional thanks go to my beta reader, AleeN.
> 
> Speaking of Tumblr, I've done several reviews of official Yuri!!! on Ice books and other merchandise on [my blog](http://literaryeagle.tumblr.com/), so please check it out. In fact, I still have more merchandise left to review, so keep visiting to see what's new!
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> -Literary Eagle, 2017


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